Learning to Sit with Difficult Feelings
Discomfort is something most of us instinctively try to avoid. Whether it’s anxiety, sadness, guilt, or a sense of restlessness, our first response is often to distract, numb, or push those feelings away. But in recovery - whether from a substance, a behaviour, or a way of being - learning to sit with uncomfortable emotions is one of the most powerful tools we can develop.
It’s not easy. At first, it might feel unfamiliar or overwhelming. But over time, this practice can become one of your greatest sources of strength and self-trust.
What It Feels Like
Uncomfortable feelings can manifest in so many ways:
- A tight chest
- A racing heart
- A lump in the throat
- A strong urge to fix, escape, or control something
- Irritability or a desire to isolate
It’s easy to think something is wrong when we feel this way. But discomfort isn’t a sign that we’re failing, it’s a sign that we’re growing.
When we allow ourselves to stay with these feelings - just for a moment longer - we begin to build the emotional muscles that support real, lasting change.
Understanding What’s Happening: Body and Mind
Our nervous system is wired to protect us from pain. When we experience a challenging emotion, our body often responds as if we’re under threat. That’s why it can feel so physical.
One of the first steps in working with difficult emotions is learning to notice what’s happening in the body:
- Where do I feel this most strongly?
- Is it hot, cold, tight, heavy?
- Does the sensation come and go like a wave?
By staying present with these sensations—without judgment—we can reduce the urge to react and increase our ability to respond.
Urge Surfing: Riding the Wave
Cravings and urges often come in intense waves. “Urge surfing” is a technique that helps us ride these waves rather than be pulled under by them.
Rather than acting on an urge, we pause. We breathe. We observe it rise, crest, and fall. Just like a wave in the ocean.
The urge might still be there, but we begin to see it as temporary, rather than urgent or dangerous. Over time, this builds confidence that we can handle discomfort without needing to numb it.
The HALT Check-In
Sometimes, uncomfortable emotions are intensified by unmet basic needs. The HALT acronym is a helpful reminder to pause and check in:
- H – Am I Hungry?
- A – Am I Angry?
- L – Am I Lonely?
- T – Am I Tired?
These states can cloud our judgment or make distress feel worse. Meeting these needs can bring relief and clarity, and prevent us from spiraling.
The RAIN Practice
Another gentle way to work with discomfort is the RAIN method—a simple, mindful process that brings more compassion and understanding to difficult feelings.
- R – Recognise what’s happening.
- A – Allow the experience to be there, just as it is.
- I – Investigate with kindness. What does this feeling need? What’s it trying to protect?
- N – Nurture yourself. This might be through breath, touch, kind words, or simply being present with yourself.
RAIN helps soften our inner resistance and brings warmth to emotions we may have been taught to fear or avoid.
Reaching Out
You don’t have to go through discomfort alone.
Connecting with mutual aid groups, whether in person or online, can make a world of difference. Hearing others share honestly about what they’re feeling can remind us that we’re not broken or alone.
Whether it's a 12-step fellowship, SMART Recovery, or another support network, these spaces can offer validation, perspective, and accountability, especially when we feel most vulnerable.
Discomfort as a Teacher
Recovery asks us to move through, rather than around, emotional pain. This isn’t easy, and it’s not always fast but it is incredibly meaningful.
With time and practice, sitting with discomfort becomes less frightening. We begin to see that these feelings are not enemies - they are messengers. They can teach us:
- How to set better boundaries
- What needs healing
- Where we still carry pain
- And how resilient we truly are
Accepting discomfort as part of the process doesn’t mean giving up - it means growing up emotionally. It means meeting ourselves with tenderness and patience, even when things feel hard.
Final Thoughts
You are not your feelings. You are not your thoughts. You are the one witnessing them and that is a powerful place to stand.
Sitting with difficult emotions takes courage. But every time you choose to stay present, you strengthen your recovery. You build emotional capital. You reconnect with your inner resilience. And you pave the way for a life rooted in honesty, freedom, and self-trust.
Whatever you're feeling today, know this: it will pass. And you have the capacity to meet it with compassion.
Support Is Available
If your AUDIT results indicate that your drinking could be placing you at risk, or if you simply feel uneasy and would like to talk it through, you don’t have to figure it out on your own.
I offer a free 45-minute phone consultation, where we can explore your current relationship with alcohol, your goals, and what the next steps might look like for you. My coaching is grounded in compassion, and is suitable for individuals who want to reduce or stop drinking, as well as for people supporting a loved one.
Whether you're sober-curious, already alcohol-free, or just beginning to ask questions, this space is for you.
📩 To book your free consultation, email me at:
hello@thenextchapterwiththivya.com
Please Read: A Note on Physical Dependence
If you are physically dependent on alcohol, it can be dangerous to stop drinking suddenly. Withdrawal symptoms such as shaking, sweating, anxiety, nausea, seizures, or confusion can be severe and require medical attention. In some cases, alcohol withdrawal can be life-threatening.
If you’re drinking heavily on a daily basis, or have experienced withdrawal symptoms before, it is vital that you speak with your GP or a local alcohol support service. Medical professionals can support you with a safe, supervised detox or gradual reduction plan, and help you begin your recovery with the right safeguards in place.
Your safety and wellbeing always come first.
